


Not Good Enough

by MyriahKamm



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-12
Updated: 2014-07-12
Packaged: 2018-02-08 13:34:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1943061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyriahKamm/pseuds/MyriahKamm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rei has fallen into a deep depression. Makoto and Rin decide to do something about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Good Enough

**Author's Note:**

> Writing prompt from Tumblr user detective-ryugazaki requesting Rei angst turned into this little one-shot.

It isn’t the first time Rei has embarrassed himself, and he’s sure it won’t be the last. But this time…this time,  _by far_ , is the most embarrassed he’s ever been. He made a complete and total fool of himself in front of a group of prospective new members, and he's sure it caused them to give up any plans of joining the swim club they may have had. He honestly can’t take the utter catastrophe his life has become now.

This embarrassment is one in a long list of failures he has endured of late. He can’t stop failing at everything. He’s failed his team so many times, all seeming to culminate in the massive blow to his pride the other day. It has all led to this point, leaving Rei absolutely broken.

He’s called in sick to school for the past couple of days. He doesn’t have the energy to get out of bed, let alone walk to the train station or pay attention in class. He  _definitely_  doesn't have the energy for swimming at the moment. He has been completely exhausted for the past two days, and yet hasn't been able to get a decent night’s sleep. Those few times he  _has_  managed to fall unconscious, he has been plagued by nightmares of his continuing failures.

He knows what this is. He knows what to call it: depression. But giving his current difficulty a name doesn't make it any easier to endure, nor any easier to eliminate.

It was no surprise when Nagisa-kun sent Rei the first text message that he didn't respond to. It was even less of a surprise when the blonde refused to give up and continued to text him for the next hour or so until Rei sent him a message that basically boiled down to “I’m fine, got a cold, don’t come or you’ll get sick.” Then he dropped his phone back to the ground, praying that was the end of it.

That was yesterday, and he  _knows_  it isn't the end of it. At least one of his teammates is due to stop by his apartment soon. That’s just how they all are. They’re ridiculously kind and loyal and determined to keep anyone they call a friend happy. It’s why he originally joined the swim club in the first place, actually. Makoto-senpai and Haruka-senpai and, mostly, Nagisa-kun already decided Rei was their friend before he agreed to join, and he wanted a place to belong.

But every subsequent failure is ruining that feeling of acceptance and inclusion. Every single time he’s failed since he joined the swim club, he has felt his confidence in his ability to be their friend chip away piece by piece. He’s breaking apart because he knows he can’t be what they want— _need_ —him to be.

When Rei hears the knock at the front door, he groans a bit. He’s not about to get out of bed. Whoever it is will leave when he doesn't answer, he hopes.

The following knock dashes those hopes, and he pulls the blankets up over his head. He’s not all that surprised to hear the door open and hear someone step inside.

"Excuse me."

It  _does_  shock him to hear Makoto-senpai’s gentle voice fill the small apartment. If anyone, he expected Nagisa-kun to come by and harass him. The sound of the door closing and someone setting their shoes next to it reaches his ears. It seems as though the brunette is determined to stay.

"I hope you don’t mind, but I wanted to come check on you, Rei," Makoto-senpai says, the smile evident in his voice. "Nagisa said you stopped responding to his texts, and we've all been worried about you."

Rei doesn't respond. Maybe if he doesn't answer, Makoto-senpai will assume he’s asleep and leave. Of course, he should know better.

"I know you’re awake." He feels Makoto-senpai’s hand on his shoulder through the blankets. "How are you feeling?"

"You’ll get sick," Rei murmurs into his blanket.

"I  _know_  you’re not sick. Is this about what happened the other day?”

Rei turns his head to bury his face in the pillow, muffling his voice even further. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

"How about I make us some tea?"

Makoto-senpai’s hand leaves his shoulder, and his footsteps head away from him, toward the stove. Rei hears his teapot filling with water and groans. He doesn't want to be a burden to anyone anymore.

"Please just leave,  _senpai_ ,” he grumbles.

"At least have  _one_  cup of tea.”

_"Leave me alone, senpai!"_

He hears Makoto-senpai’s footsteps coming back toward him. A moment later, the blankets are thrown off of him and Makoto-senpai slaps him. A hand reaches up to nurse his stinging cheek as Rei simply stares up at the brunette in complete shock. He never expected Makoto-senpai, of all people, to resort to violence.

"I’m sorry, Rei," he apologizes softly. "But I’m not leaving. And, honestly, I don’t think you really want me to." He heads back over to the stove. "I don’t care if you stay in bed, but I’m not leaving until we've talked about this."

Rei lies there on his side, silently watching Makoto-senpai make tea in his own apartment. After a few minutes, there’s another knock at the door, and all Rei can wonder is who the  _hell_  that could be and why the  _hell_  his friends have absolutely no boundaries! Makoto-senpai doesn't seem surprised at all to hear the knock and answers the door with a smile.

"Thanks for coming, Rin."

Rei pulls the blankets up over his head again. He  _definitely_  doesn't want to talk to Rin-san. The Samezuka student is the source of a lot of Rei’s anxiety at the moment.

"No problem," Rin-san replies. Rei hears the door close, hears shoes thudding to the floor. "Still not talking much, huh?"

"No. I don’t know what to do with him."

The teapot starts to whistle, and Rei hears Makoto-senpai’s footsteps head over to it before he takes it off the stove. A second set of footsteps come toward the bed. Rei feels a weight settle down next to him.

"So, what’s up, Speedo Glasses?"

Rei doesn't respond. He crosses his arms over his chest and curls up under the blankets. He wasn't in the mood to talk to begin with, and even less so now.

"Y’know what?" Rin-san asks with a sigh. "You need to talk about this. Take it from someone who’s been there. Whatever’s bugging you, you  _have_  to talk about it. Y’know what helped me last year when I felt like crap? Talking about it. Talking to  _you,_  of all people, about it.” Rin-san yanks the blankets off of Rei. "So tell us what's wrong, dammit."

"Rin." Makoto-senpai chides softly. He hands Rin-san a cup of tea, then sets one on the end table next to the head of the bed. He pulls the desk chair over and sits down in it facing Rei. "We can't help you if you don't tell us what's wrong, Rei. So please tell us. When you're ready."

Rei closes his eyes tightly. He doesn't even really know how to explain what the problem is. He pulls his arms around himself tighter.

He expects Rin-san to keep pushing, keep pressing him to talk. He knows Makoto-senpai will be patient, but Rin-san isn't like that normally. Which is why it surprises him that neither of them talks for a while. He can hear them sipping tea every now and then, but they don't say anything. Makoto-senpai must have told Rin-san earlier to be patient, not to push.

"...I'm...ruining...everything..." Rei whispers. He didn't intend to talk, but it just sort of...spilled out. "I'm...I'm so...sorry..."

"You idiot, you haven't--"

Rin-san stops short when Makoto-senpai clears his throat loudly. Rei opens his eyes slowly to see Makoto-senpai smiling warmly at him and Rin-san looking a bit helpless.

"Why do you think that, Rei?" Makoto-senpai asks softly.

He doesn't want to try to explain. He doesn't have the energy. Yet he feels the words threatening to escape him, and he can't hold them back anymore.

"I've failed you all so many times," Rei murmurs, tears stinging his eyes. "I've been holding you back, and I'm not as much of a natural at swimming as any of you, and I ruined our chances of attracting any new members. We finally had some prospective recruits, and I ruined everything! I also don't have  _any_  idea how to be a good friend to all of you because I've never really  _had_  friends until I met all of you and...and...I'm just a complete failure when it comes to  _everything_  lately! I don't know how to be what you need me to be!"

He's crying, by this point, tears streaming from his eyes to soak the pillow beneath his head. He wipes his eyes roughly, only for the ousted tears to be replaced by more. He doesn't see Makoto-senpai's hands reaching toward him, but he feels them grasp his arms and lift him into a sitting position. Makoto-senpai's strong arms are around him before he knows it, and he's sobbing into a vast shoulder. He feels Rin-san's hand on his head for a moment, ruffling his hair gently.

"You know we don't need you to be anything other than yourself, right?" Makoto-senpai whispers in his ear. "I would never ask you to change, and neither would Haru, and neither would Nagisa."

"Nor me," Rin-san adds. "You're a lot like me, Rei, and I know why you feel the way you do. I get it. I've been there. But you haven't failed your team, okay? You really haven't."

"We understand that what you're feeling isn't going to go away so easily," Makoto-senpai assures him. "We know this is going to take some time. But we want you to know that we're here for you, all of us are."

Rei sniffles, burying his face further into the brunette's shoulder. "I don't...want to be a burden...to any of you..."

"You're not," Rin-san tells him. His hand find's Rei's cheek, urging him to sit up a bit straighter and look at the redhead. There are tears in Rin-san's eyes, shocking the younger teen. "We'll stay with you for a while, all right? We want you to be okay. We want to  _help_  you be okay."

Rei doesn't know why, but it helps to hear them say that. It helps to hear them say they're there to help him, that they  _want_  to help him. It helps to feel Makoto-senpai's arms around him in a comforting embrace. It helps to see the tears in Rin-san's eyes, to see that they really, truly care.

It helps to know that, despite the massive failures he's had in the past few months, they still see him as a friend, someone worth protecting.

Before he knows it, all three of them have somehow squeezed onto his bed together. Rin-san has his back pressed against the wall, Rei's back is pressed against the redhead's chest, and Makoto-senpai has his arms wrapped around the both of them, Rei curled tightly against his chest. He doesn't know how they managed it, but it helps. The closeness of his two friends helps abate some of his fears and anxieties.

"I won't leave you until you're ready," Makoto-senpai assures him, pressing a kiss to Rei's forehead.

"...Makoto-senpai..."

"Neither will I," Rin-san says behind him, rubbing his cheek against Rei's shoulder. "We're in this for the long haul, Rei."

"...R...Rin-san..."

They hold him like that for hours, and Rei finally realizes that they're serious. They're really going to help him through this. They're really going to stay with him.

It's not the end, he knows; he won't wake up in the morning and be perfectly fine as though nothing happened, as though he was never depressed. But this is one hell of a good start on the road to recovery.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and/or comments appreciated! =3


End file.
